For My Grandchildren

Top Step, Left to Right:  Jocelyn, Michael, Kaitlyn
Bottom Step, Left to Right:  Joey, Ella, Haley

Eli

Ben

Sabrina

Savana

I've seen several people in the last week or so post on social media either how blessed they are to have something written by their grandmother, or how they wish their grandmother had written to them.  I take that as a not so subtle hint from the Spirit that I need to write something for/to my grandchildren.  So this post is for them, a legacy, if you will.

Each of you are special to me.  You are all very different, but all special.  There's not much that I wouldn't do for you.  I wouldn't give you a million dollars even if I had it (yeah, right), because that wouldn't teach you how to be industrious.  Outside of that, I think I'd do anything for any one of you.  I'm not going to speak to you in any particular order of birth or by family -- in fact, I'm going to mix you all up so you don't try to figure out who I love more -- because I love you all.

Savana, I love you because you are easy going.  You are an open book.  You say it like it is, but never in a way that hurts people's feelings.  You are a lovely young woman, and a sweet reminder of your father.  You are so much like him.  I know that you have a testimony of the gospel.  Keep that in your heart for a time when you are able to return to church.  Never forget that you are Heavenly Father's precious daughter, and He loves you.

Jocelyn, every time I look at you I get tickled.  You are such a character and have such great determination.  Nobody is ever going to be able to get the best of you, because you are going to stand up and let the world know you are here.  Don't you ever doubt that you are loved!  Don't you ever think that we didn't love you as much as our other grandchildren because you are adopted. Being adopted makes you special in a whole different way.  Your parents fought hard to get you, and we cheered them on every step of the way.  You are loved!

Kaitlyn, you are quite a little charmer.  You are busy and you definitely have a mind of your own.  This will take you places you can't even dream about.  You have a smile that can melt butter. You are young yet, but I think you have a great sense of "mothering."  I've watched you with my dog, Oreo, and there is a tender connection with animals, too.  You make me smile when I'm near you.

Ben, you have a great personality, and a wonderful smile.  You could sell snow to an Eskimo with that smile.  You have developed a photography interest that could be an answer to your future if you use your talents for good.  If it doesn't turn a profit for you, at least you will have a hobby that you love.  I know that if you use your talents for good, you will find your place in this world -- whatever you end up doing.  As you look for a partner in life, look for someone with a kind heart and a winning attitude.

Joey, you have a heart of gold.  You are kind and loving.  You are a gentle soul.  Be as determined as you are kind.  Stay close to the gospel.  You can have a wonderful wife someday, because you are the kind soul that girls look for in a husband.  So when you go looking for a wife, look for what is on the inside.  You want to marry a kind soul too.

Haley, you are full of bullets and are going to go places.  No one will ever be able to take advantage of you, because you're going to let them have it.  You are so much like me that it's funny.  A word to the wise:  Learn from my mistakes; you don't have to repeat them.  You will take anything bad and put it to work for you.  Don't be afraid to let people get close.  We are different in one way.  You have the personality to pull it off where I didn't.

Eli, I'm writing this on your third week birthday, so I don't know you that well yet, but I'm looking forward to getting to know all about you.  I just want you to know I love you, and I'm happy you are here.  You are a special little baby, and I love to cuddle you in my arms.  Even though you are too young yet for me to know you all that well, I want you to know I love you.  Your middle name, Bernard, is after my grandfather. We called him Pa.  He was a great man, and you have inherited his honorable name.  Take good care of it.  Pa used to say, "You always want to keep yourself just one step above the other guy."  He didn't mean to look down on other people.  What he meant was to keep your standards higher than those around you.  Be honest and true.

Michael, you are such a character -- and so smart.  Take advantage of that intelligence and keep learning.  You can have a great life if you stay close to the gospel and don't stray away from the important things.  Never doubt that you are loved because you are adopted!  I love you every bit as much as my other grandchildren.  Being adopted makes you special in a different way.  Your parents worked hard to get you, and the rest of us cheered them on every step of the way.  You are loved!

Sabrina, you are a lovely young woman.  You've had adversity in your life, but you are coming out strong.  Take the pain from the past and put it to use by serving others.  You have empathy for others and can relate to their fears and their trials.  Make good use of that.  You are beautiful.  Remember that your inner beauty is what counts most.  Don't lose that, and you will do just fine.  I hope that someday you will see it in your heart to find your father's church.  He may not have gone to church often, but he did love and have a testimony of the gospel.

Ella, you are such a lovely child.  I love it when you smile.  You are young yet, so there are still so many things for me to learn about you.  I know that you are kind and loving.  You are going to grow up the middle child, and I am a middle child.  Just because you are in the middle doesn't mean you aren't important, or that you are not loved.  You're going to have to hold your own against those brothers, which will make you tough -- but don't let it make you too tough.  Keep that sweet gentle spirit in you always.

Now for all of you.  Look for partners in life that will uplift you and make you better than who you are (which is not to say that you aren't already special :) because you are), but there is always room for growth.  Don't look for a spouse that is "cute" or "good looking" -- look for someone who will make you better than you are -- and you will find that each year that person will become even more "cute" to you.  Besides, we all grow old and wrinkly very quickly anyway.  :)  My dad used to say, "When you're thinking about marrying somebody, take a step back and think about how the person will look when they've been up all night with a baby, when they wake up in the morning before they brush their teeth or have combed their hair, when they've been cleaning up puke all day, etc. -- Then, if you still love them, marry them."

My dad also used to say, "I don't have anything to leave you but a sense of humor."  That applies here.  A sense of humor will go a long way to making life easy and more beautiful, so if you didn't inherit it, develop it.  :)

Remember who you are and where you came from -- and always hold on tight to the rod and walk the narrow path that will lead you back to your Heavenly Father.  Stay close to the gospel, magnify your callings, and honor the priesthood.  Please see your way to the temple.  I don't want any empty chairs at that big round oak table in heaven.

I love you all!

Granny

He Rarely Repeats a Mistake

Danny 4-7-12

One thing I've always admired about my husband is that he truly tries not to repeat mistakes--even the minor ones.

Years ago when the block buster movie "Titanic" came out, everyone was raving about how wonderful it was.  Everyone except me, of course, because I hadn't seen it.  I usually let my husband pick the movies we see because he gets such a kick out of it.  Apparently, he wasn't interested in seeing "Titanic."  One day I teased him about the fact that I was the only girl on the planet who had not seen the movie.  He scheduled a date night and took me to see "Titanic."

In honor of the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, the 3D version of "Titanic" just came out, and he didn't wait this time. We saw it this afternoon.  Seeing the movie was great, but being reminded of how much my husband values our marriage was priceless.  It's a small thing, and if I had never seen either version of the movie it wouldn't have been the end of the world, or even our marriage.  The effort that he made to please me, however, does not go unnoticed.  As a matter of fact, it will be cherished forever.

One of the reasons I think we have a good marriage is because this is Danny's second marriage.  He tries really hard at this marriage because he doesn't want a second mistake.  To say that he gives 110% would be putting it mildly; he gives his all--and THAT is why I love him.

Communication Is Key

My husband and I went for a short drive the other day.  He had a prescription to pick up, and I had a couple of letters to mail.  We picked up the prescription first.  I was driving, and I thought he might want to go for a ride or do something else after we went to the post office, so I asked him which post office he wanted me to head toward.

For 35 years, he has referred to the post office on Broadway as the Broadway Post Office.  He has also referred to the post office on 35th Street and 5th Avenue as the 35th Street Post Office. For the benefit of readers who are not local, the 35th Street post office is also not far from Broadway--shall we say "off Broadway." Tee-hee.  But it is NOT, I repeat, NOT ON BROADWAY!

So he answered my question, "Broadway."  I may be mistaken, but after 35 years, I think it was entirely logical for me to assume that he meant he wanted to go to the Broadway Post Office--meaning the post office on Broadway, right?  Communication (or lack of it) is key here.

He said something about which exit he wanted me to take, and I said, "I thought you wanted to go to the Broadway Post Office?" Big mistake.  Apparently, I'm the most stupid person in the world because I didn't know that the Broadway Post Office is now the 35th Street Post Office.  After 35 years, he's decided to rename the post office on 35th Street.

There are few things in this life that will make my blood boil faster than someone talking to me like I'm stupid. After 35 years, one would think that my husband would have learned that.  He doesn't do it very often, but when he does, the powers of hell descend upon him.  Since my letters don't have to be mailed until the end of the month, I took the 12th Street exit and headed home.  I went in my office, closed the door (which I almost never do), and totally ignored him the rest of the day.

No, I didn't go to college, but when you say to me the Broadway Post Office, I'm going to logically assume that you mean the post office on Broadway.  If you change your mind after 35 years as to what you will call something, then you'd better communicate that information to me.  That is all.

Who Is Watching?

Today I was thinking about all the senior citizens who had an impact on my kids when they were growing up.  There were many.  We lived in a neighborhood of senior citizens, so they all adopted my kids as their grand kids.  That was wonderful since my parents lived in Nevada, and Danny's parents lived in Idaho.  My kids loved their own grandparents, but it was nice to have California grandparents too.  We also go to church in an LDS ward or congregation that has traditionally been made up of mostly senior citizens.

The couple I was thinking about today were the Ellsworths.  Meriem and Heber were the sweetest couple!  Heber must have been about 6' 6" or taller, and Meriem stood maybe 4' 8" on tiptoes!  For several years, there were not many children in our ward.  Our main worship meeting, Sacrament Meeting, was on the three-hour church block.  Our kids used to dart out the side door of the church as soon as the "amen" was said on closing prayer, so they could be outside to watch Brother and Sister Ellsworth come out that door holding hands.  My kids thought it was the sweetest thing that this old couple still held hands.  The Ellsworths never knew that my kids were watching them.

Heber wasn't very well, and one Sunday in Sacrament Meeting he just sort of tipped over in the pew and passed out.  The problem was, that he tipped over on top of Meriem!  I thought he was going to completely crush little Meriem!  Paramedics were called, and Heber recovered to see another Sunday.

Eventually, both Heber and Meriem passed away.  I remember at Meriem's funeral a story was told about them.  Every night of their marriage until Heber was just too frail to do it, he picked Meriem up and carried her up the stairs to bed.  Now that's love!

My kids had some really fine role models, that's for sure.  It makes me wonder what kind of role model I'm making for my grandchildren and other children who unknowingly watch everything I do and listen to every word I say.  I used to tell my kids that when they walked out the front door they represented themselves, their family, their ancestors, Camp Fire Boys and Girls, their school, their athletic teams, their ward, the church, and the Saviour.  As I grow older, I think I need to remind myself of that when I walk out the door.  I never know who may be watching.

Spending Time Together

Sports really isn't my thing.  I just don't "get it."  The only sport I can understand to any degree at all is baseball, but even with baseball there are certain rules I just don't understand no matter how many times they are explained to me.

It doesn't really matter whether I understand sports, because I do enjoy spending time with my husband doing something that he enjoys, and he reciprocates and does things for me that probably wouldn't be his first choice.  It's all about time together.

Last night we had tickets to a Sacramento River Cats (minor league) baseball game.  It was a bad game, which was really over by the end of the second inning.  We lost 14-1.  To top it off, it was cold and windy.  The wind made spring allergies pretty intolerable.  Somehow none of that mattered.  As a matter of fact, we stayed until the very last pitch.  There is something to be said for sitting next to each other in the stands at a baseball field, wrapped up in a blanket, eating hot dogs, sharing peanuts and popcorn, taking in the aromas of the various food stands, and hearing "Cotton candy, get your cotton candy here!"  I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else last night.

Two nights earlier, my husband went with me for a cultural experience.  We went to a Hindu 50th birthday party for the father of one of my co-workers.  I love cultural experiences, and Danny has learned to take them all in with me, just like I take in sports with him.  We watched Indian dancers, and took in the lovely saris.  We ate Indian food.  We even watched a man dance Indian dances dressed as a woman.  We had a terrific time.

It's all about spending time together.  It doesn't matter what you do or where you go, as long as you enjoy spending time with each other.  Sharing a $5.00 foot long Subway sandwich is as much fun as eating a $20.00 steak -- it's all time together.  All I want in the world is to sit next to the guy I married, and leave the craziness of the world behind.

Marriage Changes Over Time

Marriage changes over time.  The first 10 years are spent getting to know one another, your quirks, your idiosyncracies, and the "let's not go there" topics.  Children are usually thrown into the mix, which makes life interesting.  Somehow during those years you learn to stick together or the kids will sink the ship.

The next 10 years are spent trying to figure out how you got where you are, and whether you can weather the storm until the kids are gone.  "Endure 'till the end" is beginning to look like "Oh snap, what have we done?!"  This period usually has teenagers making life seem more complicated than you had ever imagined.

The third 10-year period is a time to "reassess" and set new goals.  It's a time to get to know one another all over again because you've spent so much time raising children that you've forgotten how to have a conversation that doesn't center around one of your children's problems.  It's a time to sit back and decide how the rest of your lives will be spent.

The fourth 10-year period brings so many changes.  For the first time in your married life, you can actually spend time together!  This brings adjustments, of course, but for the most part, it is a sweet period.  We are beginning the 5th year of this period.  One of us is retired, and the other one is not.  For a few more months, we still have our youngest child living at home -- though she doesn't spend much time there.  We hardly see ever see her.  We're looking at more adjustments over the next five years.  Will I still be working?  Full-time?  Part-time?  Will we serve a mission for our church?  Will we travel?  Will we still be in good health?  These are questions that will all be answered soon.  In the meantime, we cherish this time together.  We enjoy watching our adult children in their journeys, and we bond with our beautiful grandchildren.

I don't know what the fifth 10-year period will bring because we're not there yet, but I anticipate that it will be even sweeter than this time.  The chances are that one of us will probably be caring for the other one at some point.  That can be rather challenging, but I think it will also be a sweet time together.  Isn't that what love is all about?

I think Robert Browning said it best:

"Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made.
Our times are in His hand who saith,
'A whole I planned, youth shows but half;
Trust God:  See all, nor be afraid!'"

Sleep and Marriage

There's something to be said about sleep and a good marriage. I know the old saying, "Never go to bed angry." The idiot who said that apparently never considered that lack of sleep may very well be the cause of (or at least contributing factor to) the argument! The smarter person said, "Everything looks better in the morning."

I believe I have a pretty darned good marriage. I'm not going to lie and say that we've never had a single argument. If someone says that to me, my first thought is "chronic liar." My husband and I have had lots of arguments in the last 33 years. I commend him for at least fighting fair -- and I'm not always sure I've done the same.

One thing is for sure: if we have an argument at night when I'm tired, nothing is going to get accomplished without a good night's sleep. As a matter of fact, if I don't go to bed, it is guaranteed the argument will escalate into something extremely ugly.

So to my posterity: know your body and when it requires sleep. Forget the "never go to bed angry" thing. Everything always looks better in the morning!