The Power to Bind

There is nothing more precious than family.  As we gathered our family for several special events this weekend, I was amazed yet again at how different we all are -- and yet we all fit together as individual cogs in one big wheel.  It was especially apparent to me this weekend, as we gathered to seal an adopted grandchild to her parents in the LDS Temple for eternity.  The next day priesthood power was used to bless (christen) that same grandchild, as well as another grandchild.

The power to seal families together for eternity is an awesome thing.  In Matthew 16:19, we read:

"And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven:  and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven:  and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."

The keys of the kingdom of heaven -- think of that -- what power that is -- literally, the power to act in God's name.  He gave us the power to literally seal our families together forever.  Priesthood power is a wonder to me!  What an incredible gift Heavenly Father gave to His children to bind our families together forever.  Nothing can separate us if we follow the principles of the gospel and are faithful to our covenants.  I can't think of a greater gift than that!

Each family member is an individual in his/her own right.  We are many different personalities in our little group.  Every member of the family gives a unique quality to our family unit.  We may not always agree with each other, and as in all families, we have our ups and downs.  We quarrel and bicker, repent, and proceed.  We are not perfect, but each in our own way is striving to become more Christlike -- and that is the purpose of this whole experience on earth.  There is no member of a family who is "dispensable." Each cog in the wheel is needed to make the wheel strong enough to withstand the test of time.  I don't want to end this life with any broken or missing cogs in our family wheel.

I was so impressed by my two little grandchildren in the temple. As young as they are, they felt the Spirit of the Lord there.  When was the last time you heard two little children whisper for three hours straight?  As they walked the hallway with the temple worker towards the sealing room, they spontaneously began very quietly singing, "I Am a Child of God."  They may not completely understand the significance of the ordinance performed, but they felt something very special that will remain with them for a long time.

The next day in church, as two of our grandchildren were given blessings (christenings), one of my daughters spoke with me about the differences in the two blessings.  It was a testament to the fact that they are two completely different personalities, and they have two completely separate missions on this earth.  Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us; all we need to do is be faithful and live up to our covenants.  If we slip, there is always repentance.  He is here to help us.  When we reach a stumbling block, we need to dynamite it and push forward.  We will make mistakes -- but that doesn't mean that all is lost. Heavenly Father knew what mistakes we would make from the beginning, and built cushions in the plan for that purpose.  When we hit a wall, we must bounce back.  It's in the plan.  We just need to have confidence to push forward.

I pray that each member of our family unit will continue to strive for this goal of an eternal family.  If we can just hold on to the rod of iron and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  There will be rough days ahead when it will feel like all is lost -- but all is NOT lost, nor will it ever be lost.  The power that binds us together is God's power, and if we keep our covenants, he is bound to keep His.  Don't ever give up!

For My Grandchildren

Top Step, Left to Right:  Jocelyn, Michael, Kaitlyn
Bottom Step, Left to Right:  Joey, Ella, Haley

Eli

Ben

Sabrina

Savana

I've seen several people in the last week or so post on social media either how blessed they are to have something written by their grandmother, or how they wish their grandmother had written to them.  I take that as a not so subtle hint from the Spirit that I need to write something for/to my grandchildren.  So this post is for them, a legacy, if you will.

Each of you are special to me.  You are all very different, but all special.  There's not much that I wouldn't do for you.  I wouldn't give you a million dollars even if I had it (yeah, right), because that wouldn't teach you how to be industrious.  Outside of that, I think I'd do anything for any one of you.  I'm not going to speak to you in any particular order of birth or by family -- in fact, I'm going to mix you all up so you don't try to figure out who I love more -- because I love you all.

Savana, I love you because you are easy going.  You are an open book.  You say it like it is, but never in a way that hurts people's feelings.  You are a lovely young woman, and a sweet reminder of your father.  You are so much like him.  I know that you have a testimony of the gospel.  Keep that in your heart for a time when you are able to return to church.  Never forget that you are Heavenly Father's precious daughter, and He loves you.

Jocelyn, every time I look at you I get tickled.  You are such a character and have such great determination.  Nobody is ever going to be able to get the best of you, because you are going to stand up and let the world know you are here.  Don't you ever doubt that you are loved!  Don't you ever think that we didn't love you as much as our other grandchildren because you are adopted. Being adopted makes you special in a whole different way.  Your parents fought hard to get you, and we cheered them on every step of the way.  You are loved!

Kaitlyn, you are quite a little charmer.  You are busy and you definitely have a mind of your own.  This will take you places you can't even dream about.  You have a smile that can melt butter. You are young yet, but I think you have a great sense of "mothering."  I've watched you with my dog, Oreo, and there is a tender connection with animals, too.  You make me smile when I'm near you.

Ben, you have a great personality, and a wonderful smile.  You could sell snow to an Eskimo with that smile.  You have developed a photography interest that could be an answer to your future if you use your talents for good.  If it doesn't turn a profit for you, at least you will have a hobby that you love.  I know that if you use your talents for good, you will find your place in this world -- whatever you end up doing.  As you look for a partner in life, look for someone with a kind heart and a winning attitude.

Joey, you have a heart of gold.  You are kind and loving.  You are a gentle soul.  Be as determined as you are kind.  Stay close to the gospel.  You can have a wonderful wife someday, because you are the kind soul that girls look for in a husband.  So when you go looking for a wife, look for what is on the inside.  You want to marry a kind soul too.

Haley, you are full of bullets and are going to go places.  No one will ever be able to take advantage of you, because you're going to let them have it.  You are so much like me that it's funny.  A word to the wise:  Learn from my mistakes; you don't have to repeat them.  You will take anything bad and put it to work for you.  Don't be afraid to let people get close.  We are different in one way.  You have the personality to pull it off where I didn't.

Eli, I'm writing this on your third week birthday, so I don't know you that well yet, but I'm looking forward to getting to know all about you.  I just want you to know I love you, and I'm happy you are here.  You are a special little baby, and I love to cuddle you in my arms.  Even though you are too young yet for me to know you all that well, I want you to know I love you.  Your middle name, Bernard, is after my grandfather. We called him Pa.  He was a great man, and you have inherited his honorable name.  Take good care of it.  Pa used to say, "You always want to keep yourself just one step above the other guy."  He didn't mean to look down on other people.  What he meant was to keep your standards higher than those around you.  Be honest and true.

Michael, you are such a character -- and so smart.  Take advantage of that intelligence and keep learning.  You can have a great life if you stay close to the gospel and don't stray away from the important things.  Never doubt that you are loved because you are adopted!  I love you every bit as much as my other grandchildren.  Being adopted makes you special in a different way.  Your parents worked hard to get you, and the rest of us cheered them on every step of the way.  You are loved!

Sabrina, you are a lovely young woman.  You've had adversity in your life, but you are coming out strong.  Take the pain from the past and put it to use by serving others.  You have empathy for others and can relate to their fears and their trials.  Make good use of that.  You are beautiful.  Remember that your inner beauty is what counts most.  Don't lose that, and you will do just fine.  I hope that someday you will see it in your heart to find your father's church.  He may not have gone to church often, but he did love and have a testimony of the gospel.

Ella, you are such a lovely child.  I love it when you smile.  You are young yet, so there are still so many things for me to learn about you.  I know that you are kind and loving.  You are going to grow up the middle child, and I am a middle child.  Just because you are in the middle doesn't mean you aren't important, or that you are not loved.  You're going to have to hold your own against those brothers, which will make you tough -- but don't let it make you too tough.  Keep that sweet gentle spirit in you always.

Now for all of you.  Look for partners in life that will uplift you and make you better than who you are (which is not to say that you aren't already special :) because you are), but there is always room for growth.  Don't look for a spouse that is "cute" or "good looking" -- look for someone who will make you better than you are -- and you will find that each year that person will become even more "cute" to you.  Besides, we all grow old and wrinkly very quickly anyway.  :)  My dad used to say, "When you're thinking about marrying somebody, take a step back and think about how the person will look when they've been up all night with a baby, when they wake up in the morning before they brush their teeth or have combed their hair, when they've been cleaning up puke all day, etc. -- Then, if you still love them, marry them."

My dad also used to say, "I don't have anything to leave you but a sense of humor."  That applies here.  A sense of humor will go a long way to making life easy and more beautiful, so if you didn't inherit it, develop it.  :)

Remember who you are and where you came from -- and always hold on tight to the rod and walk the narrow path that will lead you back to your Heavenly Father.  Stay close to the gospel, magnify your callings, and honor the priesthood.  Please see your way to the temple.  I don't want any empty chairs at that big round oak table in heaven.

I love you all!

Granny

Have Things Really Changed for Women?

  Picture from here:   http://www.123rf.com/stock-photo/manual_typewriter.html 

I had a discussion on social media this morning that was generated by this quote:

"I, myself, have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is.  I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute."

-- Rebecca West

The discussion was whether women have really moved forward, or whether we move forward and backward simultaneously.  It was pointed out to me that children growing up today see women on television accomplishing everything under the sun, and they assume they can too, and that it has always been that way.  One of the women told me that she feels that we aren't telling the story of the struggle for women's rights.

I have to admit that this discussion was an eyeopener for me.  I know that I've talked about the struggle with my own kids (at least my daughters), but I wonder if they really understand.  Will life for my granddaughters move forward or backward?  Who will be their role models?  Will they stand up and be counted?  Will the term "feminist" be something they are proud of, or something they are ashamed to admit is part of who they are?

My oldest daughter is an aeronautical engineer who has helped design and launch satellites.  My second daughter has two degrees and a good government job.  My third daughter is currently on an LDS mission in Brazil, but a year from now will be coming home to finish her education and pursue a career in her chosen field.  Will my granddaughters be afforded experiences equal to their expectations in life?

For the benefit of my granddaughters (who will someday be old enough to read this), I'm going to tell my own story below -- but I don't want my grandsons to tune out -- because you are part of the story -- you need to be aware, as well.  You need to treat your female counterparts as your equals.

I grew up in a time when women were encouraged to be secretaries and nurses.  Period.  Yes, there were some women who held other jobs, but it was certainly not encouraged.  They struggled to get those positions, and they fought hard to keep them.  After they received those positions, they fought for their reputations because it was assumed that the only way they could possibly have gotten those jobs is by sleeping with the boss. They were not paid the same amount their male counterparts were paid (and often still are not).  Girls were often not encouraged to go to college, nor were they encouraged to take college prep classes in high school.  There were certain "male only" classes in high school. My father fought with the school when my older sister wanted to take mechanical engineering, as it was considered a "male only" class.

While there is still sexual harassment in the work place, at least it is talked about and discouraged these days. Most large companies have some sort of sexual harassment training, and sexual harassment policy.  I was 17 years old working in the bakery of our local grocery store when the baker backed me in a corner against the wall and I couldn't move.  The only recourse I had was to hit the street looking for another job.  If I had told my employer, they wouldn't have believed me, and if I had told my father, he would likely have killed the baker.  I had no other choice but to leave and find other work.

My mother was a strong willed feminist, although she would not have used that label.  During World War II, she was Deputy County Clerk in Carson City, Nevada.  She issued everything from dog licenses to marriage licenses.  She took court testimony in shorthand.  She was present for marriages and divorces.  At the end of the war, women were expected to leave those positions, go home, have babies and do diapers to leave those jobs open for returning servicemen.  She did just that.  She was my father's unpaid secretary for many years.  When he got sick and could no longer work, she found herself on the street looking for a job with no "experience" except to say that she was my father's unpaid secretary.  Mom was a fighter, and she found employment as the office manager at an Episcopal church.  The priest hired her because his only requirement was that she not be a member of the church so she wouldn't be involved in church politics.  Mom had never used anything but a manual typewriter, but saw the advent of the computer and took the opportunity and ran with it. I'm ashamed to say that Mom learned computer technology before I did.

My father was a conundrum.  He wanted his children (male and female) to have all the opportunities we wanted, yet he was often baffled by our choices.  As I said above, he went to bat for my sister when she wanted to take a "male" class.  However, he discouraged me from becoming a writer because it wasn't "a dignified enough profession for a lady."  If I had pushed on that one, I'm sure he would have supported me, but I never pushed back where Dad was concerned.  I became a legal secretary.

When I was in business college, times were really tough.  We were in the midst of a recession and an energy crises.  Lines were long at the gas pump, and girls I knew at business college were pumping gas for good money.  I made the mistake of suggesting that I do this, and Dad hit the roof!  No daughter of his was ever going to pump gas!  So I took a job for a lot less pay filing billings at an insurance company -- and almost starved to death for the next several months.  I needed to lose weight anyway, but that was a hard way to do it!

When I first became a legal secretary, there were almost no female attorneys.  Those few women attorneys had to be tough! They were fighting a constant uphill battle to be taken seriously by clients, other attorneys, and the court.  Women are now thriving as attorneys, running Bar Associations, and becoming respected judges and justices.

What I Want My Grandchildren to Remember:
Heavenly Father put us all on the earth together.  He put us here to love one another and help one another.  We are equal partners in all things.  We need each other -- the male and the female.

My granddaughters:  Take pride in yourselves and in your bodies. Realize you are daughters of God.  You are of royal birth.  You don't have to be door mats.  Stand up and be counted, but treat men with the respect they deserve.

My grandsons:  Take pride in yourselves and in your bodies. Realize you are sons of God.  You are of royal birth.  You are not here to stomp on women.  You can do nothing Godly without your counterpart.  Treat women with the respect they deserve.

It's all about respect, people.  What legacy will we leave?

Note:  Thank you Carole Riley, Tessa Keough, and Celia Lewis for opening my eyes this morning, and for Denise Morgan Kalicki for originally sharing the quote by Rebecca West.

Anticipation Is Almost Over

It's finally almost here.  The day in some ways we've been waiting for our whole marriage.  Our youngest child is leaving the nest in three days.  I'm writing this on Saturday night, and she leaves early Wednesday morning.

There are a whole lot of emotions at this time.  I'm excited for her.  She is going on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  She will be serving the Lord in the country of Brasil.  There has been a boatload of preparation for this wonderful adventure.  Of course, we will miss her.  I'll do the same thing every night at bedtime that I did when the other kids served their missions.  As I lock the sliding glass door, I'll look out at the stars and the moon, wish her goodnight, and ask Heavenly Father to watch over her.  Then I'll express gratitude that she has this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

While we will miss her, there is something different this time from when the other kids left on their missions.  This time Danny and I will be empty nesters -- alone for the first time in our whole marriage.  I became pregnant with our first child two weeks after we were married -- so we've waited for the "alone time" almost 35 years.  We start our marriage anew Wednesday morning.

We will miss raising kids.  It was a fun period of our lives.  It was also hard -- very hard.  The best things in life are hard.  No one ever said raising kids is easy.  My kids may not know it yet, but we were pretty darned good parents.  We made some enormous mistakes, but we did our best.  They are terrific adults, and I'd like to think we can take credit for at least a portion of that.  I don't think I've ever said that publicly before.  People have told me over the years that we're good parents, and I shrug it off and tell them that we were blessed with good kids.  We were blessed with good kids -- but even the good ones need some direction.  So for the first time in 35 years, I'm going to forget humility and take credit for Danny and I being good parents.

It is with great anticipation that I look forward to the next chapter of our lives together.  I love being Danny's wife.  I'm going to love spending quality time with him every day.  By nature, I'm a spontaneous person.  I'm going to love waking up in the morning and being spontaneous about what the day brings.  You can't do that when you're raising children.

Danny just had his 69th birthday.  My father died when he was 64.  For about a year before Danny turned 64, I could not stop thinking about that.  It was then that I wanted to quit my job and stay home with my husband, but financially, it was not in the cards.  I'm grateful that Danny is still in good health.  I'm even more grateful that we will have this time together.  I just quit working, and I won't be 57 years old for another couple of months.  Our finances would be in better shape if I kept working a few more years, but money isn't everything.  There are some things that are just too important to wait.  At some point, I may end up working again.  As long as I can still type, I can work.  The arthritis in my fingers will just have to understand that!

I love being a granny, and Danny loves being a grandpa.  We look forward to the opportunity to be better grandparents.

Sitting in this seat tonight feels pretty good.  All is well with the world.  We're healthy, we're happy, and none of the kids are in therapy from our parenting (yet).  All five of them (my stepson included in that number) have served missions.  Three of them have marriages sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.  We have every reason to believe that my youngest will come back from her mission and find an eternal companion.  And someday, hopefully, my stepson can be sealed to his wife in the temple by proxy.  After all the years of parental worry and sleepless nights, I think we're seeing the light at the end of the temple -- and all is well.

What Will They Remember?



My grandchildren after a day in the dirt
Top step, Left to Right:  Jocelyn, Michael, Kaitlyn
Bottom Step, Left to Right, Joey, Ella, Haley

This past weekend we had a family event (missionary farewell for my daughter who will be serving an LDS mission in Brazil), and my kids and grand kids were here.  As these six darling little grandchildren played together as cousins, it brought back memories of my own cousins, and visits with my grandparents.

I remember visiting Nana and Pa in Carson City, Nevada.  There was a clothesline in the back yard.  It was a square clothesline on a rotating pole.  We had a great time hanging from a rope as one of the cousins twirled the clothesline around like a merry-go-round.  In the front yard, there were bushes that had hard little gray berries that were great for throwing at each other.  Inside was a staircase with a long banister to slide down.  One of the upstairs bedrooms had a slanting ceiling that always fascinated me.  I loved to lay on the bed and look at the ceiling.  I remember sitting with Pa at the kitchen table and discussing very important stuff that little kids talk to their grandparents about.  Pa had a cookie jar that he would fill and wait for us to steal his cookies.  He introduced me to gingersnaps.

Visiting Nana Janes in Portola, California was fun too.  I remember looking at the patterns in the carpet in her living room.  All the cousins looked for money that my father apparently hid in a secret place in his old room when he was a kid, but to my knowledge, nobody ever struck gold.  I startled Nana Janes one time when she was getting dressed in the morning, and her facial expression is forever etched in my memory.  I remember Nana Janes organizing family reunions in Portola park.

I remember making mud pies and picking berries with cousin Valerie.  I remember swimming in Portola Municipal swimming pool with cousins Debbie, Dennis, and Paula.  I had nightmares for years after Debbie, Dennis, and Paula let me watch the movie "The Tingler" with them.  I remember cousin Jim at the family cabin playing (and cheating) at cards with us -- and I remember him laughing.  I rode cousin Lana's horse.

I watched my grandchildren play together this weekend and wondered what they will remember about these visits together.  Will they remember playing in the dirt?  Will they remember swinging in the old swing hanging from the end of the clothesline?  Will they remember asking Granny how to "glue" bricks together?  Will they remember Granny explaining mortar and cement?  Will they remember taking spoons to the yard and Granny making them count how many they took out and how many they brought back in?  What about Haley's imaginary apple tree?  Will she remember gathering Grandpa's gently placed apple at the bottom of the stick she stuck in the ground every time she came to Grandpa's house?  Will they remember how much fun they had with their cousins running from monsters in the back yard?  Will Jocelyn remember taking ice from the ice chest in the kitchen when we weren't looking and making a lake in the kitchen floor?  Will they remember sitting on Granny's lap for a story?  Or will they remember things that I haven't even thought about?

Whatever the memories of tomorrow are, I hope they are good ones.  I've certainly enjoyed watching them make their memories!

Granny's Treasures

When my oldest daughter told me that she would have to adopt children, my heart ached for her, but I knew that everything would somehow be okay. As I had more time to think about it, I wondered if I could love an adopted grandchild the same way I love my other grandchildren. It sounds silly now, but those are the thoughts that went through my mind.

The day Molly and Jim brought Michael home from the hospital, he was one day old. They picked me up at the airport, and we went to breakfast. I needn't have worried. The minute I laid eyes on Michael, I knew he was my grandson.

Last Thanksgiving, I made the mistake of calling Michael "a little poop," when he was teasing his Granny. Little did I know that potty humor had been a topic of conversation prior to our arrival, and Michael decided that Granny and Grandpa were pretty cool because we could say poop. Michael still calls Grandpa "poophead," but he does it with respect and a grin, and at 3 1/2 that's okay.

Michael has a little sister now, Jocelyn. Ironically, the thought crossed my mind again -- could I love her? Were my feelings for Michael just a fluke? Again, I needn't have worried. Molly and Jim sent the pictures above, and I was in love. It took me a few days to get down to see her, but when I finally got there and held her, I didn't want to let go. We got there after midnight, and I held her sleeping in my arms all night. I look forward to teaching Jocelyn a few things to drive her mother crazy too.

Adoption is a wonderful thing. We love our two birth mothers for the unselfish gift they have given us. They have also given these beautiful children great opportunities. I'm so grateful to have these two beautiful children in my family. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father has provided a way for my daughter to have children. I'm grateful for two incredibly wonderful women who gave so unselfishly to their babies and to my family. My heart is full!