For My Grandchildren

Top Step, Left to Right:  Jocelyn, Michael, Kaitlyn
Bottom Step, Left to Right:  Joey, Ella, Haley

Eli

Ben

Sabrina

Savana

I've seen several people in the last week or so post on social media either how blessed they are to have something written by their grandmother, or how they wish their grandmother had written to them.  I take that as a not so subtle hint from the Spirit that I need to write something for/to my grandchildren.  So this post is for them, a legacy, if you will.

Each of you are special to me.  You are all very different, but all special.  There's not much that I wouldn't do for you.  I wouldn't give you a million dollars even if I had it (yeah, right), because that wouldn't teach you how to be industrious.  Outside of that, I think I'd do anything for any one of you.  I'm not going to speak to you in any particular order of birth or by family -- in fact, I'm going to mix you all up so you don't try to figure out who I love more -- because I love you all.

Savana, I love you because you are easy going.  You are an open book.  You say it like it is, but never in a way that hurts people's feelings.  You are a lovely young woman, and a sweet reminder of your father.  You are so much like him.  I know that you have a testimony of the gospel.  Keep that in your heart for a time when you are able to return to church.  Never forget that you are Heavenly Father's precious daughter, and He loves you.

Jocelyn, every time I look at you I get tickled.  You are such a character and have such great determination.  Nobody is ever going to be able to get the best of you, because you are going to stand up and let the world know you are here.  Don't you ever doubt that you are loved!  Don't you ever think that we didn't love you as much as our other grandchildren because you are adopted. Being adopted makes you special in a whole different way.  Your parents fought hard to get you, and we cheered them on every step of the way.  You are loved!

Kaitlyn, you are quite a little charmer.  You are busy and you definitely have a mind of your own.  This will take you places you can't even dream about.  You have a smile that can melt butter. You are young yet, but I think you have a great sense of "mothering."  I've watched you with my dog, Oreo, and there is a tender connection with animals, too.  You make me smile when I'm near you.

Ben, you have a great personality, and a wonderful smile.  You could sell snow to an Eskimo with that smile.  You have developed a photography interest that could be an answer to your future if you use your talents for good.  If it doesn't turn a profit for you, at least you will have a hobby that you love.  I know that if you use your talents for good, you will find your place in this world -- whatever you end up doing.  As you look for a partner in life, look for someone with a kind heart and a winning attitude.

Joey, you have a heart of gold.  You are kind and loving.  You are a gentle soul.  Be as determined as you are kind.  Stay close to the gospel.  You can have a wonderful wife someday, because you are the kind soul that girls look for in a husband.  So when you go looking for a wife, look for what is on the inside.  You want to marry a kind soul too.

Haley, you are full of bullets and are going to go places.  No one will ever be able to take advantage of you, because you're going to let them have it.  You are so much like me that it's funny.  A word to the wise:  Learn from my mistakes; you don't have to repeat them.  You will take anything bad and put it to work for you.  Don't be afraid to let people get close.  We are different in one way.  You have the personality to pull it off where I didn't.

Eli, I'm writing this on your third week birthday, so I don't know you that well yet, but I'm looking forward to getting to know all about you.  I just want you to know I love you, and I'm happy you are here.  You are a special little baby, and I love to cuddle you in my arms.  Even though you are too young yet for me to know you all that well, I want you to know I love you.  Your middle name, Bernard, is after my grandfather. We called him Pa.  He was a great man, and you have inherited his honorable name.  Take good care of it.  Pa used to say, "You always want to keep yourself just one step above the other guy."  He didn't mean to look down on other people.  What he meant was to keep your standards higher than those around you.  Be honest and true.

Michael, you are such a character -- and so smart.  Take advantage of that intelligence and keep learning.  You can have a great life if you stay close to the gospel and don't stray away from the important things.  Never doubt that you are loved because you are adopted!  I love you every bit as much as my other grandchildren.  Being adopted makes you special in a different way.  Your parents worked hard to get you, and the rest of us cheered them on every step of the way.  You are loved!

Sabrina, you are a lovely young woman.  You've had adversity in your life, but you are coming out strong.  Take the pain from the past and put it to use by serving others.  You have empathy for others and can relate to their fears and their trials.  Make good use of that.  You are beautiful.  Remember that your inner beauty is what counts most.  Don't lose that, and you will do just fine.  I hope that someday you will see it in your heart to find your father's church.  He may not have gone to church often, but he did love and have a testimony of the gospel.

Ella, you are such a lovely child.  I love it when you smile.  You are young yet, so there are still so many things for me to learn about you.  I know that you are kind and loving.  You are going to grow up the middle child, and I am a middle child.  Just because you are in the middle doesn't mean you aren't important, or that you are not loved.  You're going to have to hold your own against those brothers, which will make you tough -- but don't let it make you too tough.  Keep that sweet gentle spirit in you always.

Now for all of you.  Look for partners in life that will uplift you and make you better than who you are (which is not to say that you aren't already special :) because you are), but there is always room for growth.  Don't look for a spouse that is "cute" or "good looking" -- look for someone who will make you better than you are -- and you will find that each year that person will become even more "cute" to you.  Besides, we all grow old and wrinkly very quickly anyway.  :)  My dad used to say, "When you're thinking about marrying somebody, take a step back and think about how the person will look when they've been up all night with a baby, when they wake up in the morning before they brush their teeth or have combed their hair, when they've been cleaning up puke all day, etc. -- Then, if you still love them, marry them."

My dad also used to say, "I don't have anything to leave you but a sense of humor."  That applies here.  A sense of humor will go a long way to making life easy and more beautiful, so if you didn't inherit it, develop it.  :)

Remember who you are and where you came from -- and always hold on tight to the rod and walk the narrow path that will lead you back to your Heavenly Father.  Stay close to the gospel, magnify your callings, and honor the priesthood.  Please see your way to the temple.  I don't want any empty chairs at that big round oak table in heaven.

I love you all!

Granny

Have Things Really Changed for Women?

  Picture from here:   http://www.123rf.com/stock-photo/manual_typewriter.html 

I had a discussion on social media this morning that was generated by this quote:

"I, myself, have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is.  I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute."

-- Rebecca West

The discussion was whether women have really moved forward, or whether we move forward and backward simultaneously.  It was pointed out to me that children growing up today see women on television accomplishing everything under the sun, and they assume they can too, and that it has always been that way.  One of the women told me that she feels that we aren't telling the story of the struggle for women's rights.

I have to admit that this discussion was an eyeopener for me.  I know that I've talked about the struggle with my own kids (at least my daughters), but I wonder if they really understand.  Will life for my granddaughters move forward or backward?  Who will be their role models?  Will they stand up and be counted?  Will the term "feminist" be something they are proud of, or something they are ashamed to admit is part of who they are?

My oldest daughter is an aeronautical engineer who has helped design and launch satellites.  My second daughter has two degrees and a good government job.  My third daughter is currently on an LDS mission in Brazil, but a year from now will be coming home to finish her education and pursue a career in her chosen field.  Will my granddaughters be afforded experiences equal to their expectations in life?

For the benefit of my granddaughters (who will someday be old enough to read this), I'm going to tell my own story below -- but I don't want my grandsons to tune out -- because you are part of the story -- you need to be aware, as well.  You need to treat your female counterparts as your equals.

I grew up in a time when women were encouraged to be secretaries and nurses.  Period.  Yes, there were some women who held other jobs, but it was certainly not encouraged.  They struggled to get those positions, and they fought hard to keep them.  After they received those positions, they fought for their reputations because it was assumed that the only way they could possibly have gotten those jobs is by sleeping with the boss. They were not paid the same amount their male counterparts were paid (and often still are not).  Girls were often not encouraged to go to college, nor were they encouraged to take college prep classes in high school.  There were certain "male only" classes in high school. My father fought with the school when my older sister wanted to take mechanical engineering, as it was considered a "male only" class.

While there is still sexual harassment in the work place, at least it is talked about and discouraged these days. Most large companies have some sort of sexual harassment training, and sexual harassment policy.  I was 17 years old working in the bakery of our local grocery store when the baker backed me in a corner against the wall and I couldn't move.  The only recourse I had was to hit the street looking for another job.  If I had told my employer, they wouldn't have believed me, and if I had told my father, he would likely have killed the baker.  I had no other choice but to leave and find other work.

My mother was a strong willed feminist, although she would not have used that label.  During World War II, she was Deputy County Clerk in Carson City, Nevada.  She issued everything from dog licenses to marriage licenses.  She took court testimony in shorthand.  She was present for marriages and divorces.  At the end of the war, women were expected to leave those positions, go home, have babies and do diapers to leave those jobs open for returning servicemen.  She did just that.  She was my father's unpaid secretary for many years.  When he got sick and could no longer work, she found herself on the street looking for a job with no "experience" except to say that she was my father's unpaid secretary.  Mom was a fighter, and she found employment as the office manager at an Episcopal church.  The priest hired her because his only requirement was that she not be a member of the church so she wouldn't be involved in church politics.  Mom had never used anything but a manual typewriter, but saw the advent of the computer and took the opportunity and ran with it. I'm ashamed to say that Mom learned computer technology before I did.

My father was a conundrum.  He wanted his children (male and female) to have all the opportunities we wanted, yet he was often baffled by our choices.  As I said above, he went to bat for my sister when she wanted to take a "male" class.  However, he discouraged me from becoming a writer because it wasn't "a dignified enough profession for a lady."  If I had pushed on that one, I'm sure he would have supported me, but I never pushed back where Dad was concerned.  I became a legal secretary.

When I was in business college, times were really tough.  We were in the midst of a recession and an energy crises.  Lines were long at the gas pump, and girls I knew at business college were pumping gas for good money.  I made the mistake of suggesting that I do this, and Dad hit the roof!  No daughter of his was ever going to pump gas!  So I took a job for a lot less pay filing billings at an insurance company -- and almost starved to death for the next several months.  I needed to lose weight anyway, but that was a hard way to do it!

When I first became a legal secretary, there were almost no female attorneys.  Those few women attorneys had to be tough! They were fighting a constant uphill battle to be taken seriously by clients, other attorneys, and the court.  Women are now thriving as attorneys, running Bar Associations, and becoming respected judges and justices.

What I Want My Grandchildren to Remember:
Heavenly Father put us all on the earth together.  He put us here to love one another and help one another.  We are equal partners in all things.  We need each other -- the male and the female.

My granddaughters:  Take pride in yourselves and in your bodies. Realize you are daughters of God.  You are of royal birth.  You don't have to be door mats.  Stand up and be counted, but treat men with the respect they deserve.

My grandsons:  Take pride in yourselves and in your bodies. Realize you are sons of God.  You are of royal birth.  You are not here to stomp on women.  You can do nothing Godly without your counterpart.  Treat women with the respect they deserve.

It's all about respect, people.  What legacy will we leave?

Note:  Thank you Carole Riley, Tessa Keough, and Celia Lewis for opening my eyes this morning, and for Denise Morgan Kalicki for originally sharing the quote by Rebecca West.

Gift of Humor

Today I laughed at something that a friend posted on Facebook.  Most of the country is in the throws of an awful heat wave.  The picture that was posted was a sign that said, "Satan called.  He wants his weather back."  I responded that someone had not lost his/her sense of humor.  My friend said that she personally believes a sense of humor is "essential survival equipment."

That reminded me of my Dad.  Dad never had much in the way of material things.  Financial debt from serving in World War II and the Korean Conflict, mixed with raising four children on salesman's commissions, never afforded him luxury items of any kind.  He always saw to it that we had food on the table and clothes on our backs.  While we didn't have luxury items, we never thought of ourselves as poor.  We were rich in family, and that's what counted.

As Dad got older, he used to say to us, "When I go, you won't inherit anything.  The only thing I have to give you is my sense of humor."  Dad and Mom both had a wonderful sense of humor.  It didn't matter what was going on in our lives, they could find the humor in things.  I wonder if Mom and Dad realize what a valuable inheritance that was?  What an incredible legacy?

Sometimes when all is very quiet, if I listen carefully, I can still hear Dad laugh, and I can still see Mom belly laughing.  Mom and Dad left us more than a sense of humor, though.  They left us integrity, honesty, and love.  What more could children ask?