Christmas Talk for Church 12-25-11

This talk was given by me in Sacrament Meeting (Worship Service), Sacramento First Ward,  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Christmas Day, December 25, 2011.

The topic the Bishop gave me was "What would you tell all your children if they were here today?"  One of my children is here today with her family.  I was given a similar challenge in August of 1994 by a couple of writers, Bob Greene and D. G. Fulford, and at that time I wrote down a few thoughts which I will read today.  A few lines of what I'm about to read were published in this little book, Notes on the Kitchen Table--my five minutes of fame.

To My Children, My Grandchildren, My Posterity for Generations to Come:

I’ve tried to live my life as an example to others.  I’ve tried to raise my children to be good people.  I’ve tried to be a good person myself.  I’ve tried to be a good wife.  But I’ve made some mistakes.  I’m not perfect.

If there is one thing I’ve learned in this life, it’s that you have to be forgiving of others, as well as forgiving of yourself.  If you can’t forgive yourself, how can you expect others to forgive you?

Religion is a very personal thing.  We all have to find our Heavenly Father in our own way, in our own time.  I testify to all who read this note, that you do have a Heavenly Father.  Your Heavenly Father loves you, and wants only the best for you.  He is close by when you need Him.  Pray always.  Pray with a sincere heart.  Pray in the name of Jesus Christ.  Listen for the answers to your prayers.  It has been said that prayer is like a telephone conversation; it works two ways.  If you don’t listen, you’ll never hear an answer.

I know with all my heart and soul that my Heavenly Father loves me.  I know that my family will be together after this life.  I long to meet my ancestors who passed through this life before me.  I long to hold in my arms the baby I lost.  I know I’ll do that.  I have not a doubt in my mind!

Please look at my life as a whole; don’t pick it apart and criticize my weaknesses.  I have made mistakes, many of them.  I’ve done things and said things that hurt people.  I know that.  Please know that it was not intentional.  I never intentionally went out to hurt another person in my life.  Please forgive me for any weaknesses, and for anything I’ve done which may have hurt you, or someone else.

Have courage to live your lives in these times.  These are not easy times.  It is not long before Jesus Christ will again come to this earth.  The way is being prepared.  It is said that our Heavenly Father saved his strongest children to come to earth in the last days.  I know my children are stronger than I am.  I’ve seen that time and time again.  I’ve watched them endure many things that I would not have been able to endure.  Don’t be afraid of what is to come; welcome it with open arms.

Live each day to the fullest, with great joy!  Don’t brood over hard times—I’ve done that at times, and can tell you that it doesn’t do anyone any good. Watch the simple things in life.  Don’t be too busy to watch a sunrise, or a sunset.  Watch a mother bird feed her babies in the next.  Spend time watching an ant colony bury its dead.  More importantly, share these things with your children!  While you share these things with them, watch your children!  See their faces light up when they discover that ice cream melts when exposed to heat.  Watch their eyes as they pet a new puppy.  Be there when they take their first steps, and when they drive a car for the first time.  Don’t miss a moment of their growing up years!  Teach them to pray.  Listen to them when they talk to you!

Always retain a sense of humor.  If you can laugh, you’ll have a wonderful life.  Never be afraid to laugh at yourself.  Don’t take yourself too seriously, or those around you.

Set goals for yourself, but reasonable goals.  Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to be perfect.  Take one step at a time, then build on each step.  When you stumble, pick yourself up and go on.  When you think you can’t pick yourself up, pray for help.  He’ll be there, or he’ll provide someone in your life to help you.  Remember that your Heavenly Father often helps you through the arms of others.  Reach out to people.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Don’t be afraid to love.

I’ve heard it said that our Heavenly Father never hands us a trial that we can’t handle.  He knows our limitations and our abilities.  Have faith that He knows how strong we are, or how weak we are.

Learn from past experiences.  If it didn’t work last time, it won’t work this time.  If it did work last time, don’t change the method just for the sake of change.

Be kind to yourself.  You can’t be kind to others until you learn to love yourself.

Seek out your Heavenly Father.  He’s there for the asking.  He loves you, Jesus loves you, and I love you.

All my love,

Mom

                                                                                    August 10, 1994

A Time to Forgive

It's almost Christmas, and that always makes me step back and evaluate where I am in the process of life, who I am, and what I'm becoming.  It's about the analysis of my progression, I guess.  I'm 57 years old.  There's been a lot of living in that time, and a lot of time to get into trouble.  Trouble seems to be my middle name.  As we walk through life, hopefully we learn a few things.  One of the things I've learned is that there is no way you can please everyone.  There is always going to be someone who doesn't understand your intentions, doesn't like what you do, or just plain doesn't like you.  That's okay.  What matters is that you never intentionally hurt someone, that try to make amends to those who you unintentionally hurt, and that you forgive those who misunderstand.

It has not been easy for me to learn to forgive.  Actually, I've spent my whole life attempting to learn the principle.  I'm getting better, but I have not completely mastered it.

On January 3, 1971, Elder Richard L. Evans had this to say about forgiveness in a broadcast of Music and the Spoken Word:

"Once a year—or oftener—all of us should clear out the clutter, the things that are useless to us, that get in our way and add confusion to our lives and impede our progress.  But even oftener we should look at our unforgiving grudges, and not nurse them or hold to them or keep them alive.  An unresolved grudge gnaws at our hearts, disturbs our peace, and is a burden we would well be rid of.  God will forgive whom he will, but of us it is required to forgive.  We should forgive not only for what it does for others, but as a favor to ourselves, because forgiving relieves us of a lingering uneasiness inside ourselves.  Oh, what easing of our relationships with loved ones, and with others also, with a lightening of our own lives, as we learn to forgive!"

The older I get, the more I realize how short our time is here on earth.  The kinds of things that would infuriate me in my youth don't seem to bother me anymore.  Little injustices just don't seem to matter.  There was a time when I could really hold a grudge.  I don't anymore.  I get angry.  I get hurt.  I get over it.  There is just so little time for drama, and I don't have the energy for it.  What good is it?  Does it serve any purpose?

We're coming to the end of a year and the beginning of a new one.  It is the time of year we think about the Christ child, His life, and the atonement.  What better time to throw out the meanness in our hearts.  Bitterness breeds more bitterness and even hatred.  Forgiveness breeds forgiveness and kindness.

Roderick J. Linton said in The Forgiving Heart, April 1993 Ensign:

"Forgiveness is a personal attribute, not just a decision we make from time to time when we feel we should.  To have a forgiving heart is to see the world in a different light.  It is to forsake the tendency to judge, condemn, exclude, or hate any human soul.  A forgiving heart seeks to love and to be patient with imperfection.  The forgiving heart understands that we are all in need of the atonement of Jesus Christ.

A forgiving heart is one of the most Christlike virtues we can possess.  If we have a forgiving heart, our very nature will be kind, patient, long-suffering, and charitable.  Forgiveness plants and nourishes the seeds of Christlike love in both the giver and the receiver.  Indeed, forgiveness, in its fullest expression, is synonymous with charity, the pure love of Christ."

There is our challenge.  Will it be the status quo, or shall we stand a little taller?  Will we make forgiveness our own personal attribute?  Will we learn to have a forgiving heart?  Having a forgiving heart takes effort.  It isn't something that comes naturally to most people.  How much effort are we willing to devote to have a forgiving heart?  I would venture to say that probably the most important thing we can hope to learn in this life is the principle of forgiveness.  It is attainable.  We just need to put forth the effort.  Through prayer, we can have His help.  I publicly promise this day that I will do my best to stand a little taller.

Become As Little Children

This is a love story of sorts.  It started out as a Primary lesson.  (Primary is the equivalent of Sunday School for my readers who are not of the Mormon faith.)  I teach the 3-year-old (Sunbeam) class.  It is now September, so most (if not all) of them have turned into 4-year-olds.  The lesson I was teaching from the manual today was "I Can Love Others."  The stated purpose of the lesson is:  "To encourage each child to express love for others through kind words and deeds."

The lesson manual asked that I teach the story of the Good Samaritan, as well as teaching them about Jesus having the children come unto Him when they were being turned away.  I was also supposed to remind them about Jesus healing the blind man, and to teach them that Jesus' whole life was about being kind to others.  This lesson was a great follow-up lesson to last week's "I Can Be A Friend" lesson.

For some reason my class was smaller than usual.  I only had two children:  Caleb and Jocelyn.  I began my lesson by showing this picture of my granddaughters, Haley and Kaitlyn.

Haley (Left) and Kaitlyn (Right)

The conversation went something like this:

Me:  This is a picture of two little girls.  Do you think you could be friends with these little girls?

Caleb and Jocelyn:  Yes.

Me:  They look like nice little girls.  Do you think you could be nice to them?

Caleb and Jocelyn:  Yes.

Then I showed this picture of Haley as a baby.

Haley -- Notice the Smile -- Definitely NOT Gas

Me:  This is another picture of a little girl.  Do you think you could be friends with her?

Caleb and Jocelyn:  Yes.

Me:  That's good.  I'm so glad.  Is there something a little different about this little girl?

Caleb:  She's a baby.

Me:  That's right.  Is there anything else that you can see that's different?

Caleb:  Her nose is different.

Me:  That's right.  Her nose and her mouth are a little different.

I then placed Haley's baby picture over Kaitlyn's picture so that Haley's baby picture was next to the current picture of Haley.

Me:  I'm so glad that you could be friends with this baby, because she is my granddaughter.  And this other picture is Haley as she looks today at 5 years old.

I explained that Haley had been to the hospital a couple of times, and that the doctors had fixed her nose and mouth.  I then explained that while Haley looks more like we do now, that she still has some problems talking, and that her voice sounds a little different.  I explained that she is going to go into the hospital very soon so that the doctors can help her with that problem.  I asked the children if they could be friends with someone who talked differently, and they agreed they could do that.

We then discussed people in wheelchairs, and people who were blind or deaf.  The children agreed that they could be friends with and love those people too.

My assistant, Sister Moore, is African-American.  I took a breath and began what could have been a tricky situation.

Me:  What about someone who has skin that is a different color from yours?  Sister Moore's skin is different from yours.

At this point, Caleb and Jocelyn almost simultaneously jumped out of their chairs, threw their little arms around Sister Moore, and said, "I love you, Sister Moore."  Sister Moore was obviously quite touched, and I have to admit to a little catch in my throat, as well.

Sister Moore:  I love you too!!!

I taught this lesson on the anniversary of 9/11/01, so I had to take this one step further.  I asked if the children had heard about 9/11, and they said no.  I explained that some bad people who lived in a different country flew planes into two big buildings in New York City, and it had hurt some people.  (I avoided the word "kill" because they are very young.)  They said they had heard about that.  I asked them if they could love someone who lived in a different country, and they said they could.  I asked them if they could forgive the bad men who had done this, and they said they could.  I explained that it is important to love everyone and reminded them of a previous lesson that we need to forgive.  They said they could do that.

I then went into the meat of the lesson about the Good Samaritan, and the rest as outlined in the manual.

Since the stated purpose of the lesson was:  "To encourage each child to express love for others through kind words and deeds," I couldn't help but wonder who had taught this lesson--me, or the children.  When they threw their little arms around Sister Moore and told her that they loved her, I think I could have ended the lesson right there.

I was reminded of the Book of Mormon scripture, Mosiah 3:19:

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."  (Emphasis added.)

It is my prayer that we all try to be more like little Caleb and Jocelyn.  The world would be a much better place.



Two of My Favorite Men

Dick Janes (About 1960)

Lon White (About 1959)

The two men above made an incredible impact on my life.  Dick Janes was my father, and Lon White was my father-in-law.  I've written a great deal on this blog about my dad.  He was a very kind, loving, wonderful man.  He was also the most eccentric person that I've ever met.  I've never written about Lon White.
Like Dad, Lon was one of a kind.  When I met him, he was already retired, but he had been a truck driver for Garrett Freight Lines in Idaho.  He was fun loving, and was always up for a tease.  Lon's life had not been easy, especially during the great depression, but he always managed to land on his feet.  Long before I met him, he was an alcoholic.  It made life difficult for his family for a number of years.  One day, however, he drove through some mailboxes.  A kind man loaned him the money to have the mailboxes replaced on the condition that he never take another drink.  Lon was true to his word.  By the time I met him, he not only was sober, but had been sealed to his wife and two of his sons in the LDS Temple for time and all eternity.  I was young and very impressionable when I met Lon, and that always stuck with me.  The power of repentance is real.  The power of forgiveness is also real.  His family was able to embrace the changes and love him for who he had become.  When I met Lon, I had some issues with forgiveness, and this was a great lesson for me.

The first time I met Lon was quite an experience.  Danny and I had driven from Sacramento to Reno, spent the night with my parents, and then driven to Idaho the next day.  It was an incredibly hot summer day to drive through the desert, and I had a horrible cold.  I suspicioned that Lon and Lois White were about to become my father and mother-in-law.  I don't know what I was expecting, but whatever I expected, did not come to pass.  I was totally surprised.  As I got out of the car in Caldwell, Idaho, Lon greeted me with "Hi, daughter!  Do you want a cheese and onion sandwich?"  I'd never had a cheese and onion sandwich before, but I like cheese, and I like onions, and I like bread -- and this was probably going to be my new father-in-law.  "Sure!"  The two of us sat down and enjoyed sandwiches together -- and we were instant friends forever.

As much as I try not to compare these two men, I can't help but do so.  They were both self-made men.  They both were incredibly honest and trustworthy men.   They both had a great sense of family.   They were both very sensitive men.  In other ways, they were as different as night and day.  As fun loving as Dad was, he was also very reserved in a lot of ways.  Lon just laid it all out there.  The first day I was in Idaho, I remember Lon pinching Lois on the rear.  I had a moment of culture shock.  My parents did those things (I assume) behind closed doors.  They had four children, but public displays of affection were nonexistent in the Janes family.  Lon obviously noticed my embarrassment (I'm sure I was blushing), because he delighted over the years in trying to shock me.

Lon and I had a mutual respect for one another.  I think he respected the fact that I stood up for myself in the White family.  I'm not a pushover in any stretch of the imagination, and Lon liked that.  I admired his strength and tenacity.  I admired his ability to turn his life around and become the man he wanted to be.

I learned from my father a great love of God and family.  I learned from Dad to never take blessings for granted.  Dad taught me to be a lady, but one with spunk.  I learned from my father-in-law, that life doesn't end when you make mistakes.  I learned from Lon to pick myself up by my bootstraps and move on.  Lon taught me that life deals the cards, but it's up to me to play the game.